Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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