the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
