its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
