you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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