i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
