god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize