so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
