so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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