"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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