I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i love accidental penises.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
