My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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