Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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