Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
