ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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