shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
