it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
