I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
