We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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