I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
