One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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