There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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