one two three fourrrrnication!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
