There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
