cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize