that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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