still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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