ADVERTISEMENT

• (210): View more from Texas

  Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks

  Fav 5 7655 921

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010

  Fav 11 4967 1054

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick

  Fav 27 4855 1347

  share tweet
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.

  Fav 5 3256 1106

  share tweet
  

• (979): View more from Texas

  Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.

  Fav 14 2540 957

  share tweet
  

• (419): View more from Ohio

  I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  I'm out of town so we should be golden.

  Fav 5 2481 702

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (228): View more from Mississippi

  I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?

  Fav 9 1536 790

  share tweet
  

• (626): View more from California

  We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40

  Fav 3 1882 854

  share tweet
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.

  Fav 4 1173 875

  share tweet
  

• (256): View more from Alabama

  i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?

  Fav 12 2498 1009

  share tweet
  

• (775): View more from Nevada

  "Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.

  Fav 4 778 1111

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (818): View more from California

  You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.

  Fav 3 745 471

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room

  Fav 2 560 759

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.

  Fav 1 436 193

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (314): View more from Missouri

  He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later

  Fav 2 109 8

  share tweet
  

Randomize