I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
