My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
