I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
