I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize