so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
