why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
