WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
