They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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