420 ftw
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
