I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize