its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
