I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
