So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
