oh god the rape fog is back!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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