I cannot find my penis.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I deserve this hangover.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize