The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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