i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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