our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize