Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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