I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
