Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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