words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
