She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize