do herpes really smell.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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