I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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