somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
They have beer where we have blood.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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