ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
