Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
