Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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