you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
