Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
