1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
