Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
