just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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