i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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