I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
