I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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