Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
