I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
