At least make sure they are 18
Why
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
