It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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