I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
