She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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