so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
do herpes really smell.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
