what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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