Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize