i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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