I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
