Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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