I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
