my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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