He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
