i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
accomplished twins. life is a go
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize