i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
smell my finger.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
