can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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