dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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