whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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