I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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