Define "chronic" masturbator.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
