you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Bring me that man meat
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
