I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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