what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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