I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
