I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
