wrigley field is MILF paradise
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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