Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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