he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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