I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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