The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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