What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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