the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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