whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
