I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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